guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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