God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
