Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
