It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
