I showed him my bush... on skype.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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