So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
