In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
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