White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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