I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
