i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
