listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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