i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
