Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
