Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
