does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
