where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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