just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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