Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
