Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
You're completely useless in the revolution.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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