I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
