awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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