Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
