ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
