I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
