why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?