He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
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you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
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OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right