we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
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He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
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Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.