shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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