I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.