i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
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Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
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If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing