is your mom at the bar?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
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