Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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