Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s