how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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