Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
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I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I stole a fireplace last night.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
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At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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