so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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