it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
not ubering you a puppy
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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