and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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