I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
