ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
