I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
The cops high fived after they tackled you
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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