so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
its liver damage thursday
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
