I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
