Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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