So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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