I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
