we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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