you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
