Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Randomize
