forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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