It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
