and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
