let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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