i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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