I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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