i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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