Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
