he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
