p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
