i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Randomize
