rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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