My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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