have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
please come you make the beer taste better
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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