I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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