she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
