Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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