He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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