I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
