Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
