How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
