he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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