mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
